walking

I took Athena out for a walk around the neighborhood. For the first time in awhile I was able to walk around the entire apartment complex without feeling like death. I had to stop at one lap because poor Athena's back legs can't do that much work. But I feel fine. I feel great, actually.

New Fibromylagia Study

Nerve Damage with Fibromyalgia

So this study is looking into the idea that some fibromyalgia patients have nerve damage in certain spots.

Changing this blog

I'm changing the direction and aim of this blog. I am still wandering through trying to be more of a hippy but my health has become a constant focus of my life. I graduated with my MA in Anthropology and am still living in Knoxville with Drew. We broke up in February? March? Something like that. I'm with a new boyfriend, Brian, now. This of course causes all sorts of fun emotions since Drew and I still live together.

I'm so glad to finally be done with my thesis and defense. But now I need to:

• turn my thesis into an article for publication
• study for and retake the GREs
• apply to PhD programs for entrance in Fall 2014
• get a job
• move to Florida (back with my parents)
• lose 100 pounds
• update my knowledge on web programming

I've got lots of goals to accomplish before December. Oh and my stress hasn't stopped, even though I'm done with my masters. Sammy passed away on 7/22 and I am still not dealing well. Sammy had been one of my best friends for the better part of 15 years. He was my constant companion in high school, when my depression was unbearable. Sammy was such an amazing dog, a true gift and joy to know. Everyone who met him fell in love, even though he was a "scary" German Shepard mix. When I go to my parents' house, I know I will start crying all over again because he isn't there anymore. And my mother is so lonely now. It just--sucks.

On top of that, I have been seeing various doctors and having bloodwork and tests done to confirm a diagnosis of fibroymyalgia. I am fatigued all the time. Lethargic.  In constant pain. I can't eat. I don't have the energy to cook or do anything. Today has been the best day I have had in weeks. I have actually been productive. I applied for jobs. Researched schools. Updated this blog. Started a new one about gaming. I'm taking Lyrica and I think it is really helping. I just hope I can continue with this energy.

I need to move to Florida soon. Knoxville just makes me more and more sick. I can't go outside because I am so allergic to everything. I have to hibernate inside and hope I have enough energy to get through the day. If I get to Florida, I can exercise. I can eat right with my mother's help. I can do things to improve my life. But of course this means moving away from Drew, which he hasn't been handling well. I don't blame him. But he needs to move on if he is every going to live his life. I realize now he dependent he was on me for life direction. He was going to follow whatever I did because he has no direction, no ambition. No desire to get things done and LIVE. I don't even know how to help him. I don't want to hurt him more and I don't want to keep being his backbone. He has one of his own, he just needs to use it and stand up on his own two feet. Also, realize that standing up yourself doesn't mean you don't have help. Friends and family will always be there to help and that's a good thing.